


Living A Lie

by FinleyJayne



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hydra Bucky Barnes, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, My First Fanfic, Named Reader, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD Dreams, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Super Soldier Serum, Tall!Reader, bucky doesn't remember, chubby!reader, plus size reader insert, plussize!reader, really slow burn, she remembers Bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-10-13 01:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20574440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinleyJayne/pseuds/FinleyJayne
Summary: Penelope Grace Darling, or Penny for short, Is living a very underwhelming life. At least that's what everyone thinks, not even her family knows how strange her life is. After a very mysterious past, that Penny only half remembers, leaves her terribly maimed, Penny finds herself in the midst of one of SHIELD's many inhuman experiments. What happens when the Avenger's make an appearance in her area? Will she be able to help them unravel yet another big bad? Or will they only see the not-so-small mess that she has been told she is?





	1. Penny for Your Thoughts

10 sets of feet all in nicely polished leather soled shoes. All connected to well tailored suit pants.

9 men sitting in chairs, all supposedly listening to the man standing on the other end of the table from where I sat curled up underneath. 

8 bottles of alcohol sitting on the dark mahogany sideboard. beautifully cut glass that reflected the firelight and dim room lighting as if they were made of stars instead of glass. beautifully clear globes sat on top of their stoppers. 

7 Matryoshka dolls each colored with similar traditional faces, bellies painted with cityscapes

and cathedrals sit on the mantle above the fire. Their faces mocking the tense atmosphere with cheery smiles and laughing eyes.

6 books on the other end of the mantle. each one containing the russian script. What i can read of the spine they are traditional books as if this wasn't the office of the Bratva "Godfather"

5… 5… looking around trying to find something that was five I curled up a little tighter underneath the far end of the antique gothic mahogany table. the panic rising in my body as my brain starts wandering from my little game of eyespy to what I had been through the night before. It was not my first time exchanging masters. I apparently was a high commodity to these people. Young, talented, naive, strong enough to withstand what they wanted, and apparently unwanted. no! stop! Back to the game, stay in the moment. 

4, four panels on the door.

Just as I thought that to myself, the men all stood up and made their way out of the ominously formal meeting. Leaving me in the room without a glance; I’m seemingly unnoticed. Freezing in place so as not to draw attention to myself. Keeping my eyes glued to the wall with the mantel and fireplace. What am I going to do? The man that everyone keeps referring to as Krestniy Otets is sitting pacing behind me in front of his throne. _ What if he’s like the others. I have two options: let it happen, and hope that he isn’t too sadistic; or fight and hope that he finds it fun. Either way there isn’t anyone to save me so I need to find a way to save myself. _ Closing my eyes and listening to his steps. _ Who am I kidding there is only one option. Make him WANT to take care of me. Play the perfect little pet. Innocent, think babydoll, lollita, submissive. Puppy dog eyes, tears, fear, hope. Keep hope they say that makes you seem like a little doll. What did Gammy used to say? Erwarten Sie das Schlim und seien Sie froh, dass es besser passiert. Expect the slumber and be glad it happens better? No… ummmm schlimmste not sclimm that’s it. Expect the worst and be glad when better happens. That’s it… _

The steps stop suddenly. Keeping myself from flinching. No need drawing anymore attention if he’ll remember me when he is finished with his business. Or you know right now. A deep chuckle comes from behind me. “ну, похоже, я приобрел себе милого маленького котенка” comes the deep, vibrating voice. “Little Kotenok, what are you still doing under there? I thought you would’ve moved to get more comfortable.”

Moving my head enough to look over my shoulder, giving the grim looking man my best submissive eyes, saying sweetly “you said to sit and stay, sir.” 

A dark possessive look passes through his eyes as a self-satisfied smirk graces his lips. “khoroshiy kotenok, now come we have things to do.” 

Lithely, I roll to my feet, careful not to hit my head on the underside of the hardwood table, and follow him out the four paneled door, my gaze following the bottoms of his black wingtips. 

* * *

With a gasp I wake in my bed, eyes open but unseeing. Waiting for my eyes to focus and then, remembering they won’t, I reach to the bedside table sliding my glasses from their resting place and onto my face. Eyes finally focusing onto the textured ceiling of my basement bedroom. Looking up to the eastern facing window to gauge the time with the slight light slipping through the barred window. Sighing at the slivers of light tinging the sky a rusty red, I roll off the bed standing on my one good leg letting out a hiss as the other sends phantom pains from its knee. Taking a second to look at the unfeeling flesh that is there, waiting until my brain puts the pieces together that my leg is indeed there and is perfectly fine, even if I cannot feel it. 

I take a few moments to flex and stretch the muscles of my right leg. Making sure it moves when I tell it to. It takes a few tries to make the damn thing cooperate but soon enough I’m walking into the bathroom with my black jeans and favorite pink peplum top. Ready to get ready for work. Turning on the water and turning on the small fan. Taking extra care to keep my eyes off of the mirror, I take off my booty shorts and baggy T Shirt pajamas. I climb over the lip of the tub and into the unsatisfactory spray from the rusting shower head. As quickly as I can, I wash my body. I separate my mind from what my fingers are feeling as they run over the more poignant scar ridges all across my stomach and back. Most of them are invisible to the naked eye, just a slight ridge of stiff flesh that pulls against the more plushy fatty skin around it. After the initial cleaning I stand under the slightly warmer than lukewarm water letting it run down my body. Once the water turns cold I slink out, shutting the water off and grabbing the towel off the rack and patting my body dry enough to climb out of the tub without dripping everywhere.

Keeping my attention on the door as I slide into my clothes. They hug just enough to ground my hyperactive nerve endings but look as if they flow over my skin. They accentuate my assets without drawing attention to the way my belly rolls or how my right side isn’t symmetrical to the left. Finally looking into the mirror, I brush my hair with my fingers before pulling the mass of frizzy curls into a messy bun on the crown of my head. Letting the fading green and blue locks that fall out curl and frame my round face. Quickly brushing my teeth and then heading out into the start of my lies. Where there isn’t a human alive who knows the truth of my being. 

Counting the 12 stairs that separate my calm, dark little space from the life of my family and the living in general, I take a right into the kitchen. I run into my mother as she dumps some frozen fruit into the blender. Her brown, frizzy hair pulled back in a twist with a claw clip on the back of her head. She looks up the four inches up to meet my eyes as she greets me with a cheery smile that brings a burning sensation to the backs of my eyes. “Good morning, Penny. You working today?” 

“Yeah, Mom. Then I’m going to my appointment, I was told I’ll be back around 9.” I respond quietly as I grab a fresh peach and a knife from the counter before sitting in the office chair at the cluttered kitchen table. Making quick work of peeling and pitting the peach into a bowl from the middle of the table, I eat in my own bubble. I wash the dish in the sink, dry it, and put it away in the cupboard. Sliding on a pair of sandals and bending in half to do up the straps, I grab my bag on the floor next to them, unplug my phone from its place by the door and go out the door. 

“Bye dear, remember to thank that nice doctor for helping you.” 

“Yes’m” I reply resignedly. I sigh as I leave letting the door into the garage swing itself closed behind me. Walking across the street to my sun-spotted 1996 Mazda 626, I run my hand over her door. I savor the burn of the hot metal against my skin as I pull the key from my purse and unlock her. “Heya Gertz, today is gonna be a hard day but we can make it.” I tell her as I climb into her relatively-organized interior turning the key and listening to her sad little purr. “Yeah, I hear you. Seems we both need an oil change.” 

* * *


	2. Unexpected Customers

Once at work I check my phone for the time, Ten minutes early, 5 minutes late, It’s the same difference. Anxiously, I hurry into the backdoor of the small shoe store that I work for. Flipping on the lights as I make my way to the register, clocking in as my boss comes out of the back where he was working on some clerical work. 

“Morning, You know you don’t have to be here for another 10 minutes. I’m going to be outta the store for today, I’m leaving you in charge, Daisy should be here in a few minutes but there is a lot of traffic heading into the Salt Lake. Apparently there is going to be a Stark conference at the U this weekend.”

“Ugh. If that’s true, I’m going to need to leave a little earlier today for medical reasons. I can just close up if you leave your key but I have an appointment that I can’t miss.”

“Sure thing Penny, I’ll be here a good hour before closing anyway.” He smiles one of his easy smiles that melt through negative emotions like a hot knife. 

“Thanks, good luck today, Be careful.” I smile back, shoulders relaxing for the first time that morning.

“Will do. Call me if you need anything.” He says walking away and out the back door.

I turn on the radio that connected to the PA system of the smaller main street store. Breathing in the scent of leather, polish, and warmth, I plug in my phone setting it to a mix of all the songs I liked over the years (okay year) of Spotify that are Utah appropriate. Russian opera, Ballet arrangements, Vivaldi, Frank Sinatra, some pop stuff, Alt. Rock, Jazz. A playlist long enough to play music for literal days without repeating a song. Turning on the volume moderator feature and adjusting the volume until it settles into a soft background noise. 

A bustling, bubbly, blonde bounds into the back entrance of the store as I am walking out of the backroom. She squeals as she sees me. “Penny! You look cute today. Do you have a date? Please tell me it’s with the guy who I gave you the number for. Did you hear about the Stark expo thingy? Apparently Mr. Stark himself and everyone else in the Avengers is coming here for it. Can you believe it? All those people are coming to UTAH of all places. And so close to us!? We could run into them just by going about our routines! Like seriously! There is even a chance that they are going to stop in Bountiful. We do have some of the best hiking in the area. Just think Pens they are going to be here!” 

I chuckle as she stops for a second. “Breath Daiz.” I hold up my hands to get her to pause her rant. “Slow down. Don’t want you to hyperventilate again. One question at a time. I can only go so fast.”

The beautiful young woman bounces on the balls of her feet, heels tapping out a quick staccato as they hit the ground while she takes a few deep breaths. After three deep breaths she loses patience and squeals out, “Pens, the Avengers are coming here! I can feel it in my insides! And you know my insides are never wrong!” 

“Daisy, you can’t say that your insides have psychic powers.” 

“Oh? Tell me one time my senses have been wrong?”

_ You haven't picked up anything about my lies.  _ I think as I open my mouth to give some sort of salty reply she cuts me off

“That’s what I thought, not once. And I know today Is gunna be a great day!”

“Whatever you say Daisy. By the way I have to head out early, Bruce should be in to cover the last hour with you.” I say slipping into the back to grab the vacuum. 

“You know I’m right Penelope!” She yells back at me grabbing the Windex from under the counter to wash the mirrors. 

After a slow morning, Daisy goes out to get herself lunch. Perched behind the counter during a lull of customers on a petite but tall stool. My foot on the seat where only half of my bottom fits, knee to chest, chin resting on knee, looking uncomfortable but enjoying the stretch it’s causing across my lower back. Eyes focused on a plane cutting across the sky as I listen to the clock on the wall ticking patiently to my right and the speakers overhead switching from Led Zeppelin to a Russian Lullaby. 

The door cuts through the peace and I turn my head smiling, “Welcome to Anderson’s Shoes, what can I help you find today?” I say sitting up a little straighter as a pair of redheaded women and a disinterested man come into view of my seat. As they look my way the man’s face perks up a bit. I unfold myself from the stool prancing around the counter. The women turn to me cutting of their conversation to look my way.

“We are window shopping and heard the music, then saw the cute golden sandals in the window,” said the shorter of the two women in a distinctly slavic accent. 

Taking a shot in the dark, I smile, “Well pani, you must have good taste, both of the things you’ve just mentioned are favorites of mine.” At that the Sokovian title the girls’ ears perk and the shorter’s eyes take on a blithe quality. The taller’s look unphased though they twitch for the slightest second. 

“My name is Penny, would you like me to measure your feet before I go grab a couple of pairs for you try on?” I say gesturing to a set of comfortable looking chairs in an outdated green. 

“I’m Wanda, This is Natasha, and the doof with his mouth open is Clint, I am 37 European, I don’t know what that means American Sizing…”

“No worries, Wanda.” I say with a small genuine smile, “you’re choice of shoe is a European brand, but for future references a 37 usually translates to a 7 US. But the best thing to do when buying shoes is to try them on. Would you also like to try on a pair as well Natasha?”

Natasha smirks and gives a small shake of her head. “Thank you though”

Slipping into the stockroom I silently make my way through the creaky back halls of the store picking up the desired gold sandals, as well as a pair of black stilettos in a nine. Guessing about the yet silent woman’s preferences, and unable to help but feel the need to grab them, feeling them calling to her. Coming out of the back with the two boxes I find the girls laughing at a Clint who is looking up abashedly from the floor looking like he fell off of the stool that was now in front of the counter. 

Laughing softly along with the women, I offer a hand up to the grounded man, “Don’t take it too harshly if you were trying to sit like me, I doubt even Halkeye could perch on that stool comfortably. If I’m honest I’m not sure how I end up on it myself. Anyway, I feel like you should try these shoes, Natasha. They were calling to you. And Here are these for you, Wanda.” I say, handing the boxes with their respective shoes to the women as they burst into even louder laughter. 

After some more friendly banter, and happy sighs as the girls put on the shoes I handed them. Clint, seemingly determined to prove he is indeed as dexterous as a fat girl from the burbs, starts trying to pose on the chair a different way every time I turn my back to him. Natasha, though still guarded seems to have settled when Clint fell the first time, free with her lip twitches that were clearly her version of a smile. 

Watching them and spewing facts about the shoes to them as they walked around the store, the minutes tick by 5, 10, 15. Curiously nobody else makes their way into the store while they were there. Right as the girls made their way to the counter with their original shoes in the new shoes’ boxes, Daisy walks back into the door and stops in her tracks, whatever exciting news she was going to undoubtedly tell me stuck inside her cheek. 

“Thank you, I really hope that you enjoy your new shoes. If you have any problems or need anything else just let us know-” I start saying until Daisy cuts me off with what I can only describe as a blood curdling scream, causing all three of us to jump and take up ready positions.

“PENELOPE GRACE DARLING! DO YOU KNOW WHO IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU OR DO I NEED TO KICK YOU?! IT’S THE SCARLET WITCH!” came a rush of semi-intelligent squeals from Daisy’s mouth. 

Looking genuinely confused as I tried to place the name with the context, my eyes flipping between the four people who were now staring at me. Three highly amused with my confusion and one completely flabbergasted. “Daisy calm down a bit? I am apparently missing something here and you yelling is definitely not helping me piece it together.”

At this Clint folds in half holding himself together as his laughter rips through his chest. And can I just say it’s a VERY sexy laugh. Even though it’s at my expense. Nat smirks a little longer than her usual quick flashes. Wanda, ever being the peacekeeper extends her hand, “Hello, My name is Wanda, but I’m usually more recognized by my superhero name: The Scarlet Witch, and these are my teammates and friends; Natasha, or The Black Widow; and Clint, also known as Halkeye. It’s very nice to meet you Penelope. We definitely appreciate the help with the shoes.” 


	3. Making Plans

As her sentences click in my brain, I can feel my eyes growing as big as my glasses rims. My jaw pops open, “Oh, well it’s nice to meet you too?” I say with a nervous laugh,  _ well this is embarrassing.  _ “Thank you for coming into our store. Daisy, don’t do anything stupid but I’m going to go grab my purse and then I’m going to go out for lunch.” my face still pale and plastered with saucer sized eyes as I slip through the curtains.

_ How could I not know who they were? I know I use Daisy and Bruce as my source of current events, but I should know the Avengers' faces.  _ I grab my purse slinging it across my body before proceeding out the front door toward the little corner bakery.  _ At least I didn't act like a complete fool. Daisy is probably freaking out. I shouldn’t have left her alone with them, she’s going to eat them alive. Who am I kidding they’ll be fine they are the avengers, they can handle an over excited almost adult.  _

Thankfully, lunch and the rest of my shift flew by without any trouble nor any other famous guests. My nerves seemed to be on the fritz though as the end of my shift drew near. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t relax. Every movement would draw my gaze. Every even mildly out of place sound had me flinching. So as Bruce came through the door I was bursting at the seams with the need to make my escape. As soon as I had my stuff together and the radio back onto a normal radio station, I was out the door. I soon found myself zooming out of the parking lot as quickly as I could safely make it. Fighting off the sharp edges of the panic that was starting to consume me, I pull over after two blocks. Holding my hand against my chest, my vision waivers and fades to black. 

* * *

“pozhaluysta ostanovis’!” is screamed into the small dark room. “tebe ne nuzhno eto sdelat'.” a shock of pain courses over my back as a second resounding crack fills the cell. 

“TISHINA” comes the cold order. “ govorite tol'ko kogda govorim” two more cracks and after a second two more blazened paths are scorching on my skin. Confusion is mixed into my muddled brain as I hear the door sliding open. 

Cautiously I lift my eyes, peering over my shoulder, only to be met by another crack that catches me across the cheek. With another bloodcurdling scream I fall onto my freshly whipped back. Holding my cuffed hand to my cheek. Meeting the coldest pair of steel-blue eyes I have ever seen in my life. “Etogo dostatochno, oni gotovy k ney”

* * *

Sobbing into the steering wheel of my clunker, I hold onto my thick sides.The cold icy eyes hovering in my vision as I come out of the onslaught of memories.  _ It’s not real, I am home, they are not here, he is not here. I am safe. Coulson promised I am safe _ . After a few more breaths, my thoughts are cut off by a peppy upbeat melody sung by a flowy lyric-soprano. “I know you are able to hear this Penny, so pick up or I’ll sing it higher.” As the melody repeats a third time, I start scrambling to pick my phone up. 

“Delilah, I hope you realize that your ringtone you made me is, in fact, the cruelest practical joke anyone has ever succeeded in pulling.” I snip, my need to portray normalcy coming through as slight irritation at one of my best friends. 

“I loooove you too, darling.” came the sarcastically sweet giggle from the other end of the line. “Taylor and I were just talking about the stark expo that is opening tonight. Also, we haven't heard from you in a couple of days. Please save me from going to this thing without you. You can interpret Tay's wild ramblings to me, and you can get out of that dungeon you call a bedroom for a night! It’ll be fun! Pleeeeeeeease~.” I could see the bright amber puppy-dog eyes she was giving me through the phone. There was no way she would let me off the hook if Taylor was dragging her to the expo. Knowing Taylor, they had probably pre-ordered three VIP passes months ago and had been secretly geeking out since, waiting to drag us to their favorite displays and setting up the perfect itinerary. But also in their excitement, forgot to tell us about it until now. 

With a sigh I threw my head back onto the headrest behind me. “I’m going whether or not I want to aren’t I?”

“You know us so well,” came Taylor’s dark-tenor chuckle through the speaker. 

“Well, I’m headed to my appointment up there right now. If you want to meet me at the east entrance of the Salt Palace afterwards ...” I resign glancing at the radio clock in my dash. “I should be done by the time you get there, but I'll text you when I'm on my way.” Delilah squeals, and Tay's hums in contentment. 

“See you there,” they both reply. “Drive safe, Drive smart.”

“You too. I’d suggest taking Trax if you can. The parking is gonna be a nightmare. I can take y’all home when we’re done.”

“Sounds like a plan. See you there,” Tay calls through Lila’s squeals before hanging up.

Staring blankly through the window for a minute before turning on the radio and making my way back on my journey into busy Utah traffic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter guys, I'm really struggling because my Boyfriend definitely hates that I want to write "This awful trash that lacks originality and plot." I promise it does have one... I just need to get outta my head and tell y'all this story. Thank you for reading please send some love because I'm really needy.


	4. Medical evaluations and Lab Rats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am so nervous to share more but at the same time I was too excited not to just post this chapter now. Guys. I promise there will be some #buckycontentsoon.

An hour later, I pulled into the large parking structure. Running out of the car and into the blazing summer heat.  _ Fucking Utah drivers. Unable to go a single day without causing some sort of preventable crash.  _ Bursting into the large hospital, I clip my little identification tag before heading to the research lab where they run all their tests. Pulling my shoulders back as I scan my ID and pass the double doors that say: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Following the labyrinth of hallways to a small medical-exam room in the furthest corner of the buildings. X-rays, MRIs, and Photos were stuck to lightboards around the room. With a huff I look away from the gruesome images, towards a devilishly-handsome blond clothed in SHIELD emblazoned shrubs and a University of Utah Hospital doctor’s coat. The modelesque picture on his ID not doing him justice. 

“Hello Miss Darling, only ten minutes early. What happened, you get stuck in traffic?” The aggravatingly nasal voice pierced through the sounds of him typing on his small laptop. 

“Yes actually, Dr. Fenris. There were three crashes on I-15 and then there was a line of cars four miles long getting onto campus for the expo. I never realized that there was enough parking for that here.” I grit my teeth, plastering on my smile at his joke. 

“Well, I see no use dilly dallying any further, If you’ll change into your gown and then sit on the exam table we’ll start with that today then we’ll head to the MRI and X-ray followed by your physical strength and endurance testing.” Dr. Fenris said as I grabbed the scratchy hospital gown off the end of the exam table and started changing. There is no use hiding myself, this man has seen every part of my body over the last four years since I’ve come back to the states. If I was honest with myself I would stop these useless exams. The longer they went the worse I was treated and the more I get the feeling that something is wrong. It’s not like they were making any progress in making this “cure” that I am supposedly helping with. 

Gown on, I sit on the bed. Legs dangling off the floor slightly as I wait for Fenris to finish whatever he is typing. As he turns to me he smirks and a wicked glint enters his eye. “Look at that, just as predicted your healing time has decreased since the last time you got an abrasion. This week we’re going to analyse how your platelets are going to react to different poisons.”

Looking at him cautiously I move the slightest bit away from his seat. “Oh silly, we are going to do it in the lab. Just a couple of vials of blood from you are needed. For now at least.” He says pulling out a tray of vials and a winged phlebotomy kit. 

I keep my eye on him as he comes around to the side of the table. Right as he’s about to stick me a knock comes at the door. You look at the doctor suprised. He just gives a tight smile, turns to the door and opens it. “Dr. Banner, I didn’t think you were going to come in today.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. Then I noticed that the subject of your tests was going to be in today and couldn’t help but want to see it for myself.” responded a gentle looking man with salt and pepper hair and black-rimmed, nerd glasses. “My name is Dr. Bruce Banner. I am here to check on the status of Dr. Fenris’ research.” 

“Hello, I’m Penelope, but I guess you knew that already since I am his labrat.” I say with a self-deprecating chuckle, and a tight smile. “You just got to his favorite part. Fenris here was just about to stab me like Vlad the Impaler.” I met his eyes, wiping my face of emotions.

Dr. Banner looked at me with complete horror. Turning to Dr. Fenris with a look of disgust. “I should hope not. It would be disappointing if this project were to stop. There is great potential for new knowledge and understanding here.”

Giggling slightly, at the very angry look Fenris gave me, I smiled. “It was one time Ms. Darling. And you healed before you even left the hospital.”

“Doesn’t mean you won’t do it again, Dr. we-are-testing-your-platelets’-reaction-to-poisons-this-week. I feel like my cautiousness is well deserved and I still hate needles.” I pout. “Now if you’ll hurry up and stick me so we can get this over with. I’m supposed to be going to the Stark expo thingy. Gotta play the interpreter between my scientifically genius friend and my equally genius musician friend. Though, I’m pretty sure they are just using that excuse to get me to come with them.” 

Dr. Banner chuckled awkwardly as I turned to him, trying to ignore the doctor with a needle to my right. “Anyway, what brings you to Utah Dr. Banner? Are you going to the Expo? I hear that they are going to be talking about the new renewable resource cells Stark Industries are working on. I hope that they are planning on making them powerful enough to bring about an electric car. There are just too many oil refineries around here to be healthy. I would definitely hop on that electric car bandwagon if there was one that was affordable and efficient.”

As I rambled two large sterile culture bottles and six smaller tubes are filled with my blood. Dr. Banner keeps out of the way as Fenris goes about testing my reflexes and taking measurements of my leg, watching closely, looking at the pictures and medical imaging on the wall. “How long ago were these pictures taken?” He finally asks pointing to the first set of pictures where my leg looked like it was used as a cougar’s chew toy. 

“Four years.” I wince, remembering the carnage that Fury and Coulson had found me in. “Almost to the day.” 

“And this one?” gesturing to the next picture, muscle and tendons now in some sense of a leg. Skin overlying the fragile tissues without much scar tissue. 

“Two hours later. The next is two weeks after that. I can tell you that growing pains are indeed worth all the crying that children do over them.” I joke, looking at the almost normal looking appendage in the picture, then at the more toned version that was attached to my body. 

“Can you feel it? When did that start?” The doctor said, his excitement gleaming through his eyes as he tries to unravel the anomaly that was my advanced healing.

“I can’t really feel it but my brain started to connect to it a few months after the initial accident. I am kinda glad I can’t feel it though. Getting back feeling all at once makes ‘pins and needles’ look like child’s play. Though my body is apparently fully healed and I could get the feeling back any second, according to Dr. Fenris.” 

“Have you had today’s scans? Can I see them?”

“Not yet. That comes after this today, Then it’s time for some superhero training. Apparently it’s not enough to take all my healing into account but I’m also being studied as a Superhuman or mutant or whatever… Fenris here likes to refer to me as a Supersoldier, mutant hybrid. I don’t really see how that fits since I never was technically a soldier and I didn't have any mutations before everything...” 

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind me accompanying you, I would love to see what you can do. Who knows maybe by the end of today you’ll be vetted into the Avengers.”

“I don’t think that will be a possibility, Dr. Banner. I don’t think SHIELD is a big fan of my existence. I am only useful as a labrat.” i say suddenly finding my calloused toes very interesting

The man looks to Fenris through the corner of his eye. “Is that right. I have a feeling many things about this research are going to be changing,” a deep undertone of discontent laced through the visiting Dr.’s words. 

Throughout the next hour more medical tests are done. By the time we are back into the little exam room I am full of pent up energy. Now was my favorite part of these appointments. I get to actually use some of the ‘powers’ that I was given. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time on Living a Lie... We get to see what "Powers" Penny possesses.


	5. Kitri's Variations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny lets go for a moment and uses her "powers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all continuing to read my story. I hope y'all are enjoying it. I am trying hard to keep posting twice a week.

Slipping into the leggings and tank top that were placed on the exam table while we were outside of the room, I have to consciously keep myself from ripping them as I pulled them onto my body. Coming out of the place to find Dr. Banner and Fenris in a heated staring contest, I rubbed my hands together. Their heads snapped in my direction.

“Come on! Let’s get this show on the road! I have been excited about this variation all week!!!” I singsonged. “I’ve decided to try the Kitri Variations from Don Quixote today.” Dr. Banner smiled with an amused chuckle at my apparent enthusiasm for at least part of this testing. Dr. Fenris kept a grim composure and reluctantly handed me a pair of ballet slippers as we entered the smallish gymlike room. 

Along one wall were the standard resistance training equipment and a few mats and things, but the majority of the room was left empty. A bar was attached to the walls of mirrors, making it more like a dance studio than an actual physical therapy gym. In one corner was a set of tables that held a few very technical-looking computers and a clear plastic box with many tiny sensors labeled neatly. 

Smiling I grab the slippers from Fenris with quick, exuberant gratitude before balancing on one leg easily, slipping the first on my lifted foot. “I hope you have that pair of pointe shoes you promised me. You said you would remember this week. Russian Points, gel sixteenth-inch toe pads, two pairs a ten and a ten-and-a-half, sewing kit, and the 2-centimeter stretch ribbons.” 

“Let’s see how well you handle the slippers today. I told you that you had to make it through a whole routine without falling first,” Fenris said in his squeaky imitation of a growl. “Since you can’t feel your injuries, it could be very detrimental to the project. We don’t want another firebird incident.” Fenris adds in a dry tone as if he was trying to make it seem like he cares about anything besides his research.

Now with two slippered feet, I do some dynamic stretches; Small quick jumps, bouncing in the typical times, reaching through some cartwheels, doing some small standing flips. Sitting on the ground, I do the same, dynamic stretches, quick little bounces, as well as some somersaults and contortions. I smile and plan exactly what I wanted to do while the two doctors murmured behind a small table. Soon I plugged my phone into the speaker system and started a playlist of classical ballet music primarily Stravinsky and Tchaikovsky. Taking place along a barre, I start with a small barre routine, warming up as best I can. Paying particular attention to balance work and back stretches.

Before two songs go by, Fenris loses his patience. “We don’t have all day, Penny. You’re wasting Dr. Banner’s time. Come and let me attach the sensors and then get on with it so we can do the other tests,” he scolds in his weird adenoidal voice.

“I’m not keeping the good doctor here, and Ballet is an art. Be grateful you can see it done correctly." I say in a half-serious tone. "I will concede to your demand, as long as by the time I leave today I have my pointes in my hands.” I bargain, causing Fenris’ eyes to take on a wave of dark anger. 

“Now, Ms. Darling! Or you won’t ever get another pair of pointes as long as I have any say in this program.” Dr. Banner is stunned by the man standing next to him and his seemingly hostile treatment of me.

I continue to stand with my hands on my hips, glaring at the sniveling man. “Then why should I come back? You should have enough of me to finish your research.” I finally say, turning towards the exit. 

That seems to break Dr. Banner from his stupor. “Fenris. The shoes you promised. Penelope is a human, not a monkey. She has done a great deal for this research, and I’m sure that you can give her some respect before I send a notice to Coulson myself.”

Fenris’ scowl deepens. “Fine. Here.” He bends over and sets a small black and red duffle bag on the table with the sensory equipment. I walk over peering into the bag and smile when I see the shoes and supplies I requested. I stand in front of the man, staying perfectly still as he attached the cold, itchy nodes to my skin. After I go back to my phone, tapping its screen and queuing Don Quixote Kitri’s Variations one after another. Before pushing play, I close my eyes running the choreography through my head quickly, finalizing my modifications for my new abilities and the space I have. 

Dr. Banner turns to Fenris and whispers under his breath, “Isn’t she going to use the new shoes?” 

Without opening my eyes, I smirk. “There is too much prep work needed to be able to use a new pair of pointes Dr. Banner. I was already chastised once for wasting your precious time, and I was trained never to repeat an offense twice. It won’t happen again.” 

Pressing play on the first song and setting it down, and in a literal flash of superhuman speed, I am on the other side of the room. Going through the routine that I had memorized when I was eight and perfected when I was 12; I let myself be free. Starting from the very first leap, I was brushing the ceiling landing on the balls of my feet with no sound before sliding into a kneeling position. Just as smoothly as I was on my knee, I was up into a flourish, Kicking on relieve with a perfect extension. Each movement synced itself precisely with the music. There were no questions, no wavering. My pirouettes went from singles to doubles, as my feet flew through developpes. My technique would make even Nikolai Gustavovich Legat and Enrico Cecchetti weep in awe. It was apparent that I was not an average human. As the music came to an end of the first act’s variation, I stood on almost full point, arms in fifth, holding the arabesque through. Three counts and I was Back in the center to do her act three pieces. I lost myself in the neverending pirouettes: one left, two left, double right, one left, one left, double right. My feet still moving silently up and down on the floor. Before, I could move into the fouetté; the music suddenly went quiet. Fenris sneered. “That’s enough of that nonsense.” 

“No fair Fenny,” I whined, “I’m not even slightly winded yet.”

“That was truly beautiful... I see…” Banner clears his throat uncomfortably seemingly entranced still. 

Fenris walked back to the table, grabbing a pair of trainers from under the table and a set of ankle socks. “Put these on. I want to see how fast you can go today.”

“I see you are very agile and nimble. What else can you do?” Bruce asked after a few minutes, shaking his head as if to clear it.

Giggling, I smiled at the distant minded scientist. “Well I can lift, what was it Fenris? A ton? Something along those lines, I can jump over a literal building, Run fast, also, super hearing and I used to have super sight. I honestly don't know what else. I am still kinda figuring it out, and apparently, my “powers” are still developing.” I state tucking a strand of hair that escaped behind my ear nervously. 

Bruce nods. "Okay. Fascinating. You said you had plans with friends, and I don't want to keep you, but if you wouldn't mind coming in tomorrow as well, I'd very much like to look into a few hypotheses." He gives me a small, reassuring smile as he pushes up his glasses.

"Well, I am already intending on coming up for the results of the tests tomorrow around noon. You are more than welcome to join us, Dr. Banner. Though Fenris was going to put me through a few more paces today." I turn to look at Fenris, pleading him to let me leave. 

As Fenris opens his mouth to deny my wish, Dr. Banner cuts him off. "We can do more tomorrow, but only if the information we have amassed today is found to be lacking. Have fun at the Expo, I think you'll like the solar sequence exhibit," He says with a half-smile and a wink.

I break into a full smile, causing my eyes to scrunch into little crescents. "Thank you, Dr. Banner. I will make sure to check that out, and I'll see you tomorrow!" I jog into the gym's attached locker room, before flashing back to scoop the strap of the dance bag over my arm. Before he can change his mind, I disappear around the corner of the open door. My ears perk at his chuckle and Fenris almost imperceptible growling.

I send Taylor and Delilah a group text before I hop into one of the shower stalls, letting them know that I'm almost done and will be ready to meet them soon.


	6. Best Friends and the Stark Expo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> serious TRIGGER WARNING for homophobia in the next couple of chapters because Utah is a fucking hell hole. I live here, I know. Though it IS getting better. #weworkhardnowsothefuturegenerationsdonthaveto  
#Ilovemypeople #bisexualauthortryingreallyhard

Thirty minutes later, I was sitting on a bench outside of the bustling expo center with signs surrounding my back, pointing out my presence. Having taken my car from the hospital to the underground parking under the LDS Conference center walked the two blocks to sit in the most ironic seat for a person in hiding to take. I couldn't keep the smile from creeping up the edges of my lips as I watched people pass and lost myself in the buzz of excited voices around me trying to pick up my friends' location. 

Smiling to myself, I hear a pair of stifled giggles to my right of my seat. Acting as if I didn't notice, I stifle my own laughter. As Delilah puts her hand on my shoulder, I turn to put on my best-startled face and rest my hand on my chest. 

"Oh, dear!" I exclaim with mock surprise, "Lila, you gotta stop doing that, you could give a girl a heart attack." 

The blinding smile on Delilah's freckled face is contagious as she flips her bouncing, red curls, turning toward Taylor, forever our edgy shadow, with their perfectly-mussed plum-colored undercut and black leather jacket, perfectly tailored to their toned body.

"Got you, and stop being overly dramatic, you're fine." Delilah's melodic reply was full of excitement despite her earlier complaints on coming.

"Who's the overly dramatic one? I'm pretty sure you were the one who used a Scottish accent for the first full week of college because you wanted to see everybody's faces when you used your actual speech pattern the next week." Taylor snickered. 

I stand up, smiling at Taylor as Delilah glares playfully at them. I move to hug my other friend before grabbing Lila's hand and pulling her to her feet. "Well, let's hit this juke joint. I was told that we have to see the solar sequence exhibit." 

Lila's delicate nose scrunches up. "Not you, too," she mutters petulantly following Taylor and me through the doors.

We pause as Taylor hands us our passes, making our way through bag check quickly. As we go down the stairs into the mass of people sitting and enjoying the atmosphere, I grab some flyers off a table with a map and a list of different panels and exhibits. Taking a glimpse at the front and laughing out loud at the regal-looking Tony Stark plastered there.

"So what exactly do you have planned for us, Taylor?" I ask.

"Well, I really want to see all the new Starktech available, I am planning on buying a new laptop here, maybe one of the touch screen ones. We'll see. 

"I also got us VIP passes so we can meet the man himself and the other scientists after Starks unveiling in the Ballroom. Between those two things, I thought we'd wander and view the exhibits and booths that are on the floor. We have…" Tay glances at their blue Starkfit, "about 3 hours until we should head to our reserved seats." 

"Sounds like a plan," I say. I open the second leaflet labeled 'Panels and Exhibits' skimming it until I find the Solar Sequence information and lock it in my brain for future reference. I also note the Instant Ice Cream, color-changing textiles, and music technology booths and locations.

I let Delilah pull me through the throngs of people by our joined hands, Not caring about the disgusted glares of the older guests pointed at our laced fingers. The old bigots could take their judgmental asses right to hell. Even if we were together that way, love is love. 

Smiling at my internal monologue of justice, I lean in close and whispering conspiratorially into Delilah's ear, "code 467, camel hair 2 o'clock. Initiating sequence fang." I flick my gaze through my thick eyelashes to the openly disgruntled middle-aged woman at the booth across from the one where Taylor had stopped us. 

Lila pulls back and looks up at me with a dopey smile a hint of shared mischief at what was going to happen. She nods after looking inconspicuously over at Taylor, making sure they're sufficiently distracted with the Stark salesman.

  * F. flirting. I slide my hand out of Delilah's. Gliding it up her arm, and down to rest against Lila's waist, drawing her close to my body whispering into her ear, "act like I'm whispering something suggestive. I want her to be an example for all the rest of the close-minded fools." 
  * A. Act like a couple, make it awkwardly affectionate and draw attention. With a loud gasp, Lila bats at my arm leaning back with mock horror at what I'd said. "If you keep saying things like that while we're in public you'll never find out, you scoundrel!" She says a little louder than necessary, making the woman get a bit angry, and a few other bystanders turn their heads. Most of them letting out chuckles at what appears to be a cute lesbian couple flirting.
  * N. Notice. Act as if you just noticed how angry the subject you're trying to embarrass is getting and draw attention to it. "What? It's not like anyone here cares that we are MADLY in love." I put my best charm to work as Lila throws the woman that is now behind my right shoulder a severely-distressed look. Following her gaze, I turn to meet the lady's eye.
  * G. Glare. I draw my brows together, giving her a glower that has made many people shiver in their shoes. The lady opens her mouth, apparently still going to criticize our little display openly. I smirk, excited for the teaching moment that was presenting itself. 

Before she can get a word in, a small hand landed on her shoulder. "I wouldn't say the thoughts in your head out loud. It's bad enough you are screaming them in my mind." lilts the distinct accent of none other than Wanda Maximoff. The woman opens her mouth to protest again; the distinguished young avenger holds up her hand. "I don't care for your personal bigotry and hypocrisy, so, either stop projecting your expectations or I will have you escorted out of the building."

Slightly disappointed, I pout. Turning to Delilah, "That was unexpected," I whisper. I scan the crowd for any more of the Avengers, noting that our audience was openly gaping at the scene that just took a surprising turn. 

The woman lets out a low huff that my super-hearing picks up as, "stupid fags always making a scene, playing the victims."

I let out a growl. Looking at Wanda, I send her a question. Heya, Wanda, can I punch a bitch? Or maybe hit her ego down a bit? 

She laughs seemingly out of nowhere and looks over at me. "Well, it looks like I'm not the only woman here who wants you out." 

With a sneer, the woman looks over Wanda's lithe form to where Lila and I stood. "Well, sure the too hussies want me gone. Shocker, the feeling is mutual." 

Wanda nods slightly, her eyes flashing with anger. "Well, I guess if you wanna make a fool outta yourself by going against an Avenger over your own perceived lies, more power to ya Ma'am." I start. "Contrary to popular belief, two women standing close to each other or holding hands in a crowded space is not a 100% guarantee that they are lesbian. Not that it's any of your business, but my friend and I are both very much straight. We understand that Love is Love, and have friends that you continue to hurt with your close-mindedness. Also, don't make actors feel hated; we tend to take it personally."

By the end of the rant, everyone in the vicinity was vacating. The woman's embarrassment was palpable as she stood there gaping at me. Wanda was standing trying to keep a straight face. Taylor had finally realized that we weren't right behind them. The woman stood for another long moment until Wanda leaned over and not so subtly whispered, "That means you should go."

That seems to break the woman's revery. She throws her hands up in the air and storms away. Taylor takes a moment to locate us, and when they do, they storm over, not realizing who it was that we were talking with. "I left you to your own devices for five minutes," they scold. "Next thing you know, not only were you not where I left you, but you got yourself into trouble. Let me guess you two were 'sticking it to the powers'?"

Delilah and I look sheepish, cowed a bit by our friend's reprimand. Wanda bursts out laughing, startling Taylor a bit. Wanda smiles brightly at Taylor when they finally notice her standing there. 

Taylor recovers themselves quickly. "I'm sorry for my friends. They tend to forget that it's impolite to disturb the peace." shooting us a warning glance. 

I meet their gaze unabashed. "I got permission for the second half of what we did. I'm not going to apologize for sticking up for those who can't do it for themselves. Also, Nani, these are my best friends. Taylor and Delilah, they are amazing." I steer the conversation off of the giant display I just made.

Wanda, the goddess she is, catches on. "It's nice to meet you two," she addresses the two before turning to me. "I'm surprised you even knew about this expo, seeing as you didn't even know who we were this morning. I almost died when you, uh, made that quip about Hawkeye this morning. It was VERY funny." 

"Wait, you've met before? Not only that, but you didn't realize who it was? Where were you during all of our conversations about the Avengers?" Lila stares at me with utter betrayal in her eyes.

I look between her and Tay who seems mystified by this new development. Scratching the back of my head, "I've been dealing with some stuffs, and you never showed me pictures…"

"sure, sure. We both know of Penny's memory when it comes to faces of people she doesn't find important. It's almost non-existent." Taylor cuts into our conversation. "We should probably leave you to whatever these mischief-makers distracted you from."

"Oh, they didn't disturb anything except the monotony of this mass of 'do-gooders-gone-wrong.' Honestly, I am glad that someone finally called someone out on being so discriminatory behavior. It was driving me bonkers." Wanda placated. "Where are you headed now? If you don't mind, I'd very much like to tag along." She asked, looking a little scared that she would be rejected. 

Taylor and Delilah stared openly at the bashful, little redhead, shocked by her request. Delilah opens her mouth and when no words would come out of her mouth turned to me her, excitement barely contained in her expression. 

With a laugh, I take in all three faces looking at me expectantly. "We would love to have you. I was told that I should check out the Solar Sequence exhibit, and then I am thinking that the Instant Ice Cream, color-changing cloth, and music stuff sounded really cool. Do you have any recommendations, Wanda?" 

Wanda immediately perked up, and an absolutely astonishing smile spread across her face. "Oooo the Icecream is cool, I also really like the photo drones. They do a test flight sequence where they _Urobte z nich tanec ake __synchronizované plavci_." 

"That does sound like an impressive display. Do you know what time they do that?" I say, not noticing that she had switched into her native tongue, looking down at the map and schedule to see where the drones where. "What do you guys think? Do you want to get some ice cream samples and see some drones dance around?"

All three women were staring at me again. Taylor was the first to pop out of it. "Uh, is that what she said?... I mean it does sound entertaining, but when did you learn Sokovian?" 

"I know a great many things, Tay. It comes with the whole musician thing." I respond quickly, looking back up. "It looks like the Ice cream is that way. My treat." I hook Lila's arm with my own and start heading in the right direction. I didn't give any of them a chance to protest. 

The night wore on, Wanda was right about the drones. Before we know it, all of us are exchanging banter with each other as if she has been our friend forever. As we walk away from a very disappointing 'color-changing textile' the overhead speakers ping. "Stark Expo Attendees, may I have your attention. Tony Stark's Presentation in the Grand Ballroom is going to start in 15 minutes. VIP pass holders are invited to come and take their seats now. Again, VIP pass holders are invited to take their seats now."

"Time surely does fly." Tay states. "What're you going to do Red, are you going to Stark's presentation?" 

"I'm actually part of his presentation. At least I was told I was required to go onstage. They probably think I've ditched out." Wanda replies

"Why don't we make our way over then just to be sure that we get the best seats and you don't get into any more trouble than your supposed-disappearing act has probably gotten you into." I propose, slinging my arm over Lila and Wanda's shoulders as I start walking towards the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urobte z nich tanec ako synchronizované plavci. : Make them dance like synchronized swimmers.
> 
> so I know that the majority of you are very sweet and patient, I'm glad to say that story will be picking up in action for more than just the deep-dish Marvel Comics fans. like I've been dropping hints to what will be happening sooner or later. Bucky will be in the next couple of chapters. If I can get them written in a way that doesn't make me want to vomit from triggering myself. (Sorry for the overshare.) If you are struggling with PTSD related issues, know that you are not broken, you can make it through, and no matter what it is your feelings are valid.


	7. Fight or Flight

The Ballroom was set up to highlight a popup stage at the northern end. Thousands of chairs were set up. A lectern sat in the center of the stage with a giant Stark Industries logo projected on the white screen behind it. As people started filling in the red-cushioned seats, we took ours in the sectioned off blue chairs. Taylor tried to be nonchalant about their excitement, but their bouncing leg gave them away. Lila and I sat on either side of them, sharing a tired look and a chuckle before settling in to pass the time until the presentation started.

"What do you think Stark's big announcement is? Why would Wanda have to be present for it if it's for Stark Industries?" 

"I don't know. Maybe the Avengers are finally paying him back or somethin'."

"I bet it's just Stark being petty. It's rumored he really hates the whole CEO responsibility thing."

Listening to the two of them, I look around the Ballroom. I had been here a few times before everything happened. It hadn't changed much; the same low lighting, same crazy carpeting (why put carpet into a ballroom?), and sadly the same halfway-comfortable, red-cushioned chairs. It's a strange mix between nineties colors, last year’s styles, and modern tech. The swirls of people finding their seats and the constant murmurs of people start are entrancing. The world begins to sway as my heartbeat starts pounding in my ears. Something terrible was going to happen. 

My brain flows over what I see as my eyes flick from one source of movement to the next. My breath speeds as I try to source my worries.  _ What is it? Blond an in a baseball cap third row back seems familiar. I can't place it, but he definitely could mean trouble. Black guy fourth row, two from the right slimmer but still built as if he could hold his own in a fight. Very suspicious, I mean, who wears sunglasses in a low lit room? Natasha is nine rows back, and sitting next to her is Clint. My mind races to plan as I make eye contact with the woman. If I could get to her, I may be able to ask her to help me keep everyone safe. Shit, what if it happens before I can get to them, It will be savage chaos if all these people panic. _ I take measured breaths as I try to slow my heart.

Fingers invade my vision as Taylor snaps twice. "Earth to Penny. Anyone home."

As she waves her hand in front of my face, I turn towards her. That's when I see Him: Dark hair, Steel-colored eyes, same build. I look to his left arm, long sleeves are covering it, and a leather glove encases his hand. I hold my breath as he fiddles with a fancy watch on his opposite arm. When he bends the wrist, a sliver of metal catches the light.

* * *

"Soldat, uderzhi yeye." The Blond-haired doctor growled as I lay wiggling on the cold metal table. The brazen fluorescent lights glint menacingly off of the arm that reaches out to restrain me as the blond doctor fills a syringe with yet another mystery fluid from a small vial. 

"Net! Stop! Pozhaluysta! No! Prestať! Prosím! No! Fermare! Per favore! Nit! opshtel! Bite! Please! You gotta, I can't; You can't. Bitte, du musst aufhören. Ich werde sterben..." The broken and brittle, trembling voice. Fear was constricting my vocal cords around the unfamiliar words I was pleading to anyone, hoping that something would stick with either of the people present. As the doctor snaps a very long needle onto the tip of the now swirling colloid mixture, my fighting renews. 

"Soldat! Derzhi yeye po-prezhnemu!" the doctor orders the seemingly unphased man that continues to pin my arms down. 

The man looks me in the eyes, his continuously cold they were covering the endless sadness that seems to be edging out from his soul in whispy swirls. A shiver runs down my spine as his fingers deftly strap the restraints around my biceps, wrists, ankles, and thighs. Our gaze stays constant throughout the process as if he was daring me to fight, to give him a reason to continue to hold onto me. His metal arm glints, pushing my severely neglected hair out of my face as a stabbing pain radiates through my abdomen, ripping an earth-shattering scream out of my lungs. 

"Help me," I breath out, inaudible to even myself. However, my captor seems to hear as his eyes scrunch for a split second in what could have been remorse before my body can no longer take the pain, and the world around me fades to black.

* * *

I jump out of my seat; my mouth opens with a silent scream. My hand flies to the small of my back, but there is no knife there. My breath starts to speed up again. My eyes fly around, trying to find a way to get out where he can't reach me.  _ Stupid, I am so stupid. They had to have sent him. There is no way that they wouldn't come after me. I’ve become complacent. _

Taylor and Delilah look at me with a mix of concern and confusion. "Hey, there's no need to be so jumpy. Breath. Ya gotta breathe." Taylor tries to placate; one hand reached out in a placating manner as they place a hand on my shoulder. 

I meet their dusty green eyes, trying to ground myself before even more attention can be drawn to my distress. Sucking in my breath between my teeth in a hiss, "I need to get out of here. I'll meet you outside when this is over." My body is weaving through the river of people flowing into the Ballroom before I can stop myself. It's all I can do to stop myself from bursting into a superhero speed run. As I pass Nat's seat, I squeak out a terrified "Help" before I'm on my way out to the door again, hoping that the woman would follow. 

Once I reach the door, I make a deliberately wide arch to the left, circling the pillar before making my way to stand behind the door. Keeping my eyes on the crowd as I sink a bit against the wall to use the rushing waves of people to my advantage. I try to hide my anxiety from the seemingly endless mass of people. I watch for Nat. Praying to a God that everyone around me seems to believe that she heard me and followed me out. 

_ Daisy did say she was an Avenger, right? A Superhero? Superheroes are the good guys, right? She has teammates; they can keep me safe. I need to call Coulson. Shit. Fuck. Calm yourself. Your friends are in there, If you incite a panic they will get hurt. How could you leave them in there with him? For all you know, he will target them now that you are home-free _ . 

Just as my vision starts going fuzzy around the edges from sheer panic, Natasha stepped through the doors. Trying to look over the heads of the now dwindling flow of guests into their seats. My hand was fishing in my pocket, subconsciously trying to do what I should have as soon as I made it out of earshot from Lila and Taylor — walking casually over to Natasha as I scroll through my contacts with sharp movements. Frustrated at my slow movements, I hook my arm into hers tersely. 

I look at her through the corner of my eye. My voice is edged in ice as I start to ramble, "He is here. I need to get out if they take me back; it is not going to be good for anyone on this planet. I am calling someone qualified to handle hiding me from them, but my friends are in there, and he might have seen me talking to them. I don't know what I would do if either of them got injured just because they befriended me. I can't let him use them. They are the two I was sitting next to. Please, please, help me. I know you don't know me, I know you don't have any reason to believe me. But please. I can't go back. I can't be used like that again."

Natasha pulls me to an abrupt stop, pulling me into a small alcove out of earshot from the meandering crowd. "Calm yourself, Penny. Deep breaths." Her hands run calmingly up and down my arms as she guides me through a few breaths. "Okay now; Who? What? Where?" Her green eyes saw through me, leaving me unable to resist her questions. 

"Soldat is here. I need to get ahold of Coulson. My friends are in there still. They are with him, and I know first hand how ruthless he can be when he is under orders. It's l-like he doesn't have any humanity left inside." My breath was starting to race again, and tears were pricking at the corners of my eyes. "I can't let them get hurt. No one can get hurt because they want me. It's not going to happen again." I look over the shorter woman's shoulder toward the ballroom. 

Natasha let out a trepidatious sigh, letting the air escape her pursed lips slowly. "So you are one of Coulson's wards, you were another victim of HYDRA, and you think that the man in there with the shiny arm is here to take you back? So you reached out to me, a woman you didn't even know until this morning, to help you?"

I meet her eyes firmly, pushing my panic into a small lockbox. "I trust my instincts. They say to trust you. It also helps that Wanda is on your team, and she literally reads minds on the reg." I say with bitter clarity. 

Natasha nods, smiling reassuringly after finding my reasoning sound enough. "So you will trust me that my teammates will keep everyone in that tacky production safe? There are five members of my team in the audience, including Clint. We have this covered. I know it's scary to give up control. You are doing the right thing." 

I meet her knowing eyes, my; thoughts click together inside my head. "You know something that I do not," I say accusingly. 

Her smile grows into her eyes, "Smart cookie, yes but it probably will be easier understood if I show you. Do you trust me to keep you safe?"

I am not sure if I should, but I do. My brain runs through the worst possible outcomes as I rub the tears away from my cheeks in broad swipes. "I shouldn't, but I do, Natasha. I believe you. I would feel a hell of a lot better if you would give me one of the knives I know you have tucked into your side." gazing pointedly at the blade I knew was underneath her leather jacket and loose white t-shirt. Just then my phone buzzed in my hand, where it had been forgotten in my frenzy. Looking at the notification popup, I saw a string of unread texts from Lila. The latest was from Taylor. 

* * *

Tay: Text Delilah back before she has an aneurysm, dies, then revives herself to send out an Amber Alert on your ass. 

I scan through my missed texts from Delilah before I type out my response

* * *

Lila: Are you ok?

Lila: Where did you go? What's going on, Tay won't let me go with me. 

Lila: They literally sat on me. 

Lila: Squashed me right into the upholstery.

Lila: There is this guy behind us that looks familiar. 

Lila: He’s totes your type. Lols.

Lila: ugh, He keeps moving just right, so I can’t get a good pic.

Lila: Tay is gonna kill me if they keep sitting on me!! 

Lila: #clue #itwasprofessorplumhair #intheballroom #withtheirbodyweight 😵☠💀

Lila: I hope you are planning on going to the VIP thing after. 

Lila: I don't think I can listen to this lecture twice. 

Lila: Taylor is kinda boring with this stuff, but Stark is like Tay on six cups of coffee, two five-hour energies, and a Monster

Lila: I'm really worried.

Lila: I am sorry, but I can’t just act like you were okay when you bamfed out of here like Loki. I know it bugs you when I “over worry,” but I can’t shake the feeling.

Lila: RESPOND OR I'M COMING AFTER YOU.

Lila: PENELOPE LAST CHANCE

Me: Hey, Lila, I'm fine. I'll explain after the presentation is over. I got overwhelmed by the crowd. There were too many people. I'll be at the VIP entrance. 

Me: Also, I'm sorry that Tay sat on you. #Iamtotallylaughingatyourpainrightnow #Iloveyoustill #youdotendtooverreact #theatermajorproblems

* * *

While I was responding to my friends, I heard the crackle of static from Natasha's ear, followed by a worried voice. "Nat, you okay? What's happening?"

Looking up, I watch as she pushes against her inner-ear and speaks playfully. "I'm fine, Cap., there may have been a misunderstanding about Elsa. Maybe an old acquaintance, not the bad kind though."

Her eyes meet mine as a slew of responses flow over her com's line. “Hey, I got it covered. She’s got a VIP pass. We’ll talk about this backstage after the show, keep your eyes open for the real problem. This doesn't affect the mission.” 

_I'm lost, Elsa? As in frozen? What has this got to do with Soldat? I definitely missed something. _Taking a deep breath, I start to detangle all of what was said to her — something about Tiamat, Von Strucker, HYDRA, Backup, Tony hurry up. 

Avengers are in the crowd, which makes me feel at least marginally better. Plastering my best poker face into place, I look around at the meandering people who are taking a break from the hustle and bustle of the display floor. A few were sending awed glances our way whispering to their groups. Listening in to see what they were gossiping about the majority were speculating on what one of the Avengers was doing talking to someone like me; Wondering if I was in trouble like a bunch of schoolchildren. 

I look back to Natasha nervously, "do you have somewhere a little more private we can go? I think we may start to draw even more attention if we stay here." 

Natasha looks over to the small group and nods succinctly walking out of the alcove and into the hall.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dialogue in the flashback goes something like this:
> 
> Doctor: Hold her down  
Penny: no don't! don't do it please, stop. you can't. I can't. I'll Die. in like 5 different languages...  
Doctor: Hold her still
> 
> Yep oh so pleasant reliving that Lil experience.


	8. Natasha Romanoff: Friend or Foe?

Natasha looks over to the small group and nods succinctly, walking out of the alcove and into the hall. I follow, picking my way through the crowd behind her with ease. Before we get through the main foyer in front of the ballroom, I remembered Coulson. Turning some of my attention to my phone again, I tap the call button next to the contact: **Uncle Phil B)**. 

Three rings later, an annoyed woman's voice comes over the line. "Agent Coulson's Private line, He's currently occupied. I also know for a fact that he doesn't have nieces or nephews, so who are you? Why does he have you under said title?"

"Hey, Auntie May. Nice to talk to you too," I say saccharinely. 

"What do you need, Penelope?" Came out the slightly less antagonistic response from the phone. 

"Something came up; I need to run something by Uncle Phil. You know I wouldn't call unless I really needed something." I said slowing and putting enough space between Natasha and me that this conversation wouldn't easily be overheard by the nimble red-head.

"I know, but right now isn't the best time. Can you call-" there was the sound of a door opening and closing followed by Coulson's unmistakable voice.

"Hey, May, did I hear my phone go off? I swear I heard_ Just a Girl_ playing," I could barely pick up. "That's my ringer for Penny; She only calls if there is an emergency."

May cleared her throat, "Yeah, Here."

"Uncle Coulson, May said you were busy, I'll make myself brief. Soldat is here; I have Natasha, the Black, Black spider… oh, what is it?... anyway, She says that I need to trust her. Should I trust her? I mean, my insides are saying yes, but you told me to ask you if things weren't connecting. And honestly, I'm having a really distressing day." I go into my spiel, not wanting to waste time.

"I always have time for you, my lucky Penny, I'm sorry you are in distress. Take a few breaths. Google Avengers, see if the woman is the same as the pictures. If so, I can vouch for her. Also, I know that if you and her team up, you will be safe. I just got off a call from Dr. Banner that he popped into your appointment earlier. He is a friend of Agent Romanoff. They are going to be sent your file later anyway, so you don't have to hide from the Avengers. We are on the same side."

"So Natasha Romanoff is not gonna skin me alive? Also, can you override Fenris on the whole giving-me-back-my-knives thing? Or am I still a liability to the safety of the public? I feel really defenseless without them."

Coulson's laugh rings clear through the speaker, "Well Penny, I can't promise anything about your knife priveledges, but I can guarantee Agent Romanoff won't hurt you unless you are secretly a bad guy. Which I know for a fact is impossible." 

Letting out a small laugh of my own and making my way closer to Natasha, I feel a little of the tension leave my body. "Thanks, Uncle Phil, I'll talk to you later," I say before ending the call. 

Natasha leads me down the curved end of the hallway leading me through a guarded door into a lounge that overlooked the main floor's main stage. Turning to me, she gestures to a couch that faces the windows. "Okay, let's start at the beginning, shall we? My name is Natasha Romanoff. I am an Agent with SHIELD. Your name is Penelope Grace Darling, and you are also one of Coulson's adopted children. The question I want to be answered before we get too into this is; Why haven't I head of you before?"

"Well that is easy, I am a rescuee of SHEILD. My file is 99% redacted, and Penelope is not the name it contains." I say honestly.

"Not even my file is that redacted, Kotenok." She says gently, the pet name falling from her lips smoothly. 

My body tenses at the name. "What did you just call me?" 

* * *

"Kotenok, come here, I have some news for you." The Krestniy Otets demands in his husky voice, as his Sovietnik closes the door behind him.

"Yes, sir," I respond quickly, leaving my place against the hearth of the fire in the dimly-lit office of the Russian Pakhan. I nimbly prance around the well-dressed, impressive man's desk and perch myself on his lap sideways so I can see his face. 

"khoroshiy kotenok, now I know that you are a good girl. You never cause me any trouble, and you please me very much. However, you are in very high demand, and I have been selfish, keeping you to myself. There is a place where other girls are learning to be just as good as you. They have offered to teach you all of the subjects you have asked me to let you learn as long as you will go there and be an example to the other girls. Oh, don't pout Moy malen'kiy kotenok. You will get to be with the other girls your age. They promised to take excellent care of you." I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks. 

"You promised you wouldn't sell me that you wouldn't put me through that again. You told me that if I were well behaved, you would send me home," I said through my tears. Turning away from the man's face, I tried to school my features to hide my devastation. ''You promised."

"Kotenok, I know I promised. I didn't sell you; I just can't keep you here anymore. You will enjoy this school. It will be beneficial for you." He said, tilting my head with his ringed forefinger under my chin. "That doesn't mean I will replace you, Kotenok. You are mine until the very second you enter the Red Room. You hear me?" He asserted coldly. 

Meeting his brown eyes with my still wet ones, I nod. "da, ser, ya ponimayu," I say meekly. "I understand," I whisper lighter as he presses his chapped lips to my plush, soft lips. 

* * *

"Penelope, listen to me. You are safe. No one here will hurt you, Penelope. You are at the Salt Palace in Salt Lake City, Utah," Natasha's calm voice eases me into the present as a roll of nausea rolls through me. I take a deep breath, forcing it to pass and gasping for air before another wave of sobs pushes me back under their weight. "Your friends came with you. Would you like me to have someone bring them here now?" Her all-seeing eyes catch mine — understanding, and empathy playing in equal parts there.

I shake my head emphatically, unable to take a deep enough breath through my sobs to respond vocally. 

"Okay, breath with me. You gotta breath. In..." She takes an exaggerated breath holding it for a good ten seconds before releasing it. "... and out. Good, now again."

I follow her the best I can. The tears are flowing hot down my cheeks for the second time today. After five minutes, my breathing has evened out enough for Natasha to feel confident that I wouldn't hyperventilate. 

"Okay, would you like a bottle of water? It might help you clear your head."

"Da," I whisper tremulously. "pozhaluysta."

"I'm going to go over to that table and grab a bottle out of that cooler." Natasha moves slowly and does precisely as she said. Grabbling two sealed bottles of water. I watched blindly, eyes not really perceiving her actions. 

"YA ochen' blagodaren, gospozha." comes my disjointed reply. My brain still scrambled as she places the cold beverage in front of my folded body. 

The static of Natasha's com sounds, "Natasha, you still doing okay? Stark just finished his speech. There didn't seem to be anything out of place. We're headed your way as soon as the ballroom clears." a piercing, authoritative tone followed. 

"Take your time, Captain. We have a little situation. It might be best if Wanda came up here first, have her bring the two girls on the front row. One with short purple hair, androgynous, the other looks like a true to life Merida." Natasha responded.

"What do you mean 'situation'?" both the Captain and Wanda's voice ask on the other end of Nat's com. 

"I may have triggered a not-so-small panic attack. It's being handled. Penny knows Wanda, and she told her friends she would meet them after the presentation, and I would rather not have more panicking if I can help it."

"Right, I'll be there as soon as I can," Wanda said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kotenok: Kitten  
khoroshiy kotenok: good kitten  
Da, pozhaluysta: Yes Please/thank you  
YA ochen' blagodaren, gospozha: Thank you very much (I am very Grateful) Ma'am  
This particular way of saying thank you is VERY FORMAL and is used in terms of life debt stuff... just saying.
> 
> Also, thank you for your patience. I've reached a point where I really don't like the next bit and have to keep taking very long breaks as to not cause myself to get lost in the past.


	9. Penny Drops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for coming to read this installment of Angsty Drama. We appreciate your support and apologize for the wait. There was no excuse.

I curl up tighter into myself as her attention comes back to where I sat. Worry creased her forehead. “Penelope, I am not sure where you are, but I need you to come back to me. I know that you are not okay, and I can take you out of here. We can leave. However, your friends are going to be here in a few minutes with Wanda. My other friends are also going to be coming here soon. I know you’ve been dealing with quite a bit today, but no one here is going to hurt you.”

I stare at her and see a face from the two weeks I spent in the Red Room before Dr. Baron von Strucker took me to HYDRA. “Oni budut. Oni vsegda prikhodyat. Oni prichinyayut mne bol'. Oni prichinyayut nam bol'.”

“Kto tebya obidel?” Natasha says.

“Petrovich,” I utter. The weight of the syllables hanging in the air as if they were a noose around my neck as I look up into Natasha's familiar Green eyes. Her eyes widen in shock as she opens her mouth, “Krestniy Otets,” she snaps her mouth closed, realizing I wasn't left to just the one man's reign as she was. “Zola. Soldat. Strucker. Rumlow. Pierce.” As the list grows, the noose tightens around my neck, strangling the sound until my mouth is moving, but not even I can hear the sounds I was making. Natasha is staring at in a strange mix of horror and shock as the door opens. 

“Delilah, you need to calm yourself. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Taylor says, following a serious-looking Wanda.

“Calm myself? CALM MYSELF? Don’t tell me to calm myself. You’re the one that said that Penny would be fine. PENNY IS NOT FINE. I’m not gonna talk to you until you can admit that we should have gone with her instead of sitting through that speech of egotistical torture. Also, you sat on me. IN PUBLIC! Now, where is she?” Lila’s usually ethereal Gaelic-touched voice was taking on the harsh edges of a more jarring Highlander's accent. Her protectiveness and sheer authority punching through my panic. 

I take a breath. Closing my eyes and grasping at the warmth of her worried voice. Opening my eyes again, I take a moment. I hug my knees as close to my chest as I can in the couch cushions.

“I am fine, Lila. Just couldn’t face the crowds.” I assert in a low, husky voice that is so disassociated from the whithering whispers that were coming from my mouth before.

Lila, Taylor, and Wanda, turn to the two of us sitting on the Couch. Lila’s mouth pops open at the apparent lie that just came out of my mouth. “Penelope, don’t lie to me,” she grits, “You are not fine, and that is okay. What is not okay is that you chose to ask for help from complete strangers instead of your best friends.”

“Lila,” Taylor interjects. Seeing my guilt as I stare at the usually bouncing ball of fun which was my Best friend.

“No, It’s true Taylor, We need to talk. It’s past due, but I didn’t want to put you in danger. However, It’s come to my attention that even being one of my friends comes with imminent danger. I wouldn’t blame you if you want to walk away right now.” I state, exhausted, looking anywhere besides at my friends’ faces. “I’m honestly not worth the danger.”

Delilah and Taylor look at me; their hurt and sadness were written in their expressions as they process what I had just said. A few minutes pass before Lila walks over to the couch, sitting down at my side, pulling me into as big a hug as she can. “Oh, Penny, I may be upset, but you are worth every moment and memory we’ve had together.” 

“You could die. I don’t want you to die. I knew you could, I knew, and yet I couldn’t help but become your friend.” I cry, guilty tears running down my already splotched cheeks.

Taylor comes and places a hand on my shoulder, “Nerd, here’s the thing. We live in Utah; we are living in hell already.” They joke, a chuckle shaking their shoulders. “Also, you don’t think we would rather not have you with us? You are the reason we haven't strangled each other yet.”

“Just let me tell you first, then you can make your decision, but either way, you are going to need to take a seat. Actually, we probably should let other people get away from the crowds. Is that okay Natasha? I promise you: We won’t go far.”

Natasha looks to me from the spot on the table she had been staring at. “Yes, there is an empty room two doors to the right. You have an hour max. If you finish before then come back.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I affirm, uncurling myself with a sharp edge of determination. Giving my two friends a silent command, I walk out of the VIP room and around the corner into an empty room. Using my superspeed, I take three chairs from the stacks along the wall and set them into a close cluster in the center of the room. “Please sit.” I gesture to the chairs. 

“Nerd, what’s up with you? Are you the Flash or somethin’?” Taylor asks, spinning the chair around before straddling it and resting their chin on their hands casually. 

Lila follows skittishly, sitting on the edge of her chair. “Flash, Flash the hundred-yard dash,” she mutters under her breath. 

I let out a genuine laugh at both my friends' words, still feeling apprehension at telling them my secret. “Well no, I’m not the result of an accidental lightning strike. More like, um, Shazam who was trained to act like Harley Quinn. I’m hopped up on HYDRA juice. And I’m almost 100% certain I am not a sloth.” I smirk, trying to calm Lila.

Lila, however, starts to hyperventilate. Her green-rimmed-amber eyes filled with horror that I heard her snark. Walking to her calmly, sitting in the chair as if I was approaching a scared animal, I hold out my hand to her. “Lila, I know it’s a lot to take in, and I understand that It’s scary, but I’m still me. I am still your friend. I still care about you. I had to keep my extra hidden in the closet to keep you safe, but now I realize that I can’t keep you safe if you aren’t even aware that you are in danger just for knowing me. I am sorry that I’ve done this to you, but the men who did this to me are looking for me still, and if you continue to be my friend, you are putting yourself in harm's way. Though I don’t want you not to be my friend, I cannot ask you to stay if you don’t know. I can’t reasonably keep you in the dark.” I turn to Taylor, “Either of you. If you would like to walk away, I will understand. All I ask is that you don’t tell anyone or you’ll be putting yourself into the target of some heinous people.” 

Lila closes her eyes; her quietness a stark contrast to her usually gregarious personality, sets my nerves on edge. Taylor smiles at me when I turn to them, nodding. 

“So you are telling me that my friend lied to keep their superpowers a secret and you now want me to be the smart tech-savvy best friend? I am in this til either I am dead, or you force me to leave. Nerd, there is no way I could say no. I get to be the Freddy Freeman to your Billy Barton!”

A laugh escapes my lips before I turn to Delila with tears in my eyes. “Lila, please say something you are scaring me.”

“So either I have to lose you, or I have to forgive you for lying to me for our entire friendship? No middle ground? Like how could you hide this from us for literal years and not feel like you were betraying us?”

“That’s the thing, Lila; I was trying to do the right thing; keep you out of it. But I was stupid. If I really had seen who I thought I did in the Ballroom, He would not have stopped at killing you to bring me back into my past.” I said, resting my head in my hands as I knelt in front of my distraught friend. “Lila, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please, I don’t want to lose you.” At the very thought of losing this wonderful friend from my life, I cannot keep the tears out of my eyes.

Lila takes in a deep breath and tears up as well. "How can I not forgive you? But you lie again; you lose me." Her eyes burn with bitter anger but soften with deep affection and protectiveness. She smirks, placing a comforting hand on my now shaking shoulder. “Hey, none of that. It scares me when you cry.”

I look up at her and sniffle a bit. I take her hands in mine and look into her eyes with as much sincerity as I can muster. “I promise you, Delilah Rose McLaughlin, that I will never lie to you again.”

“Well then, now that we got through the silly stuff, I have a few important questions. First, will I be getting a bodyguard then? ‘Cus heavens know I would be or I am the weakest link in this chain. Second, what happens now that we know?” 

Taylor puts a hand over the back of Delilah’s chair, offering their silent support. Their insightful eyes taking in everything with an edge of excitement. Was also emanating from their expression as Lila starts asking questions.

“I don’t really know; I’ve never really had anyone be a part of this mess. Like my family doesn’t even remember that I’ve been out of state, let alone that I was kidnapped for five years. I’m pretty sure we are going to have a couple of days of just talking to the people in charge. Including the Avengers, who are waiting in the next room to go over what happened.” Standing from my position in front of Delilah’s chair, I begin to pace a bit faster than the average person. “Would you like to go talk to them now? Rip it off like a bandaid. We still have-” I check my phone for the time, “Well, we have 15 minutes left before Natasha is going to send someone to fetch us.”

Lila takes another deep breath before standing from her seat. She looks at Taylor. Taylor nods after a second. “Let’s get this over with,” they both speak in unison. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Leave a comment. I will respond and would love to hear your thoughts on what's to come.
> 
> Oni budut. Oni vsegda prikhodyat. Oni prichinyayut mne bol'. Oni prichinyayut nam bol' -They will. They always come. They hurt me. They hurt us  
Kto tebya obidel? - Who hurt you?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Readers! Thank y'all for reading, If you have the time, please leave me a comment. I am all up for some constructive Criticism, and even though I try sometimes I miss things so, please let me know if there are any mistakes that I've missed.  
Much love to you.
> 
> Special thank you to my AMAZING Best Friend and Beta, @fancypantspanda!


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